fell asleep with stains

(co-written with ipsius)

Chapter One. William the Bard's First Wife.

William the Bard's first wife was a beautiful noblewoman named Isabella Threemiddlenames. She came from a prestigious family, descended from the famed Hippomenes and Atalanta, who had granted the family with very fit and attractive genes, as well as the leisure to study crocheting, an art at which Isabella was very adept. But the family had come on hard times and had not the money it once did. William the Bard cared not about that; he cared only that Isabella was beautiful. He asked her father for Isabella's hand in marriage, and Isabella's father, who hoped to gain some money from the marriage or at least be rid of another mouth to feed, happily agreed.

The two were wed, and on their honeymoon, Isabella spoke her first words to William the Bard: "Your butt is too big."

In answer to this, William the Bard went outside and climbed a tree. When he came back down, his butt was slimmer.

Isabella was pleased, and as a reward, she gave to William the Bard a golden apple from the family's apple tree. Having acquired his dowry, William the Bard left for a foreign land, where he would meet his second wife.

( Chapter Two, in which William the Bard slays a dragon. )

( Chapter Three, in which William the Bard saves a fox )

( Chapter Four, in which William the Bard makes yogurt )